I see that you are an expert in literature and a connoisseur when it comes to these things.

No way this is real

A quality disc can last 10 years or more. At a company I used to work at the backups were burned to discs coated with gold. They had 15 year old discs that still worked.

the guy who designed it is stuck somewhere 10-20 years in the past.

Well, using containerization for everything is very 2015-ish.

You really should not turn the oven on remotely, especially when you have kids. Also your food will definitely not be ruined because your kids leave the fridge open for a few hours. And for the dishwasher you can just set a timer.